They Hold It Together Until They Can’t
Some of the most emotionally exhausted children we work with are also the most outwardly compliant.
They follow rules, get good grades, stay quiet and then melt down the moment they get home.
This is masking. And it’s common in gifted ADHD children.
What Is Masking?
Masking is when a child hides their struggles to appear “okay.”
1. Social mimicry
They copy behaviours that seem “normal” to avoid being judged.
2. Suppression of needs
They ignore their discomfort, fidgeting, boredom, or frustration to meet external expectations (Faraone et al., 2019).
3. Emotional labour
Trying to maintain a calm or focused state all day requires a significant amount of internal energy and can lead to burnout (Christiansen et al., 2019).
Gifted ADHD children mask because they care. About being liked. About avoiding shame. About making you proud.
But masking disconnects them from themselves and you.
Strategy 1: Notice the Drop-off Pattern
If your child is well-behaved all day but melts down after school, that’s a clue.
What to try
- Build in decompression time after transitions
- Avoid heavy questions or tasks right after school
- Say: “You don’t have to hold it in here.”
This gives their nervous system permission to exhale.
Strategy 2: ADHD-Specialized Counselling to Rebuild Identity Safety
When kids mask for too long, they forget who they are.
Counselling, especially with someone trained to work with gifted ADHD profiles, helps children feel seen without having to perform.
In sessions, we often focus on:
- Helping them name what feels fake vs real
- Teaching them how to express needs earlier
- Reframing mistakes as human, not shameful
Authenticity grows when children feel safe and the person supporting them truly understands how their brain works.
Strategy 3: Use Neurofeedback to Reduce Emotional Load
Neurofeedback helps by calming the overworked executive system and reducing the fight-flight freeze cycle.
Our protocols often target:
- Frontal lobe fatigue from constant suppression
- Limbic system overload from emotional restraint
- Midline stability for self-expression and resilience
Studies show neurofeedback can reduce masking-related symptoms like anxiety, cognitive overload, and dissociation (Thomson et al., 2024).
This helps kids stop hiding and start regulating.
Final Thoughts
Your child doesn’t need to work harder to appear okay.
They need spaces where they feel safe enough to be themselves.
When we reduce the cost of masking — emotionally, mentally, and neurologically — we unlock authenticity, confidence, and calm.
Sammy Oh, PhD DNM
Founder, Breakthrough ADHD Center and ADHD BrainCode Center
Certified Biofeedback Practitioner
Truebearing Approved Neurofeedback Therapist
Functional Nutritionist
If this blog resonated with you and you’re ready to take the next step, we invite you to connect with our team.
We offer personalized support, parent coaching, and neurocognitive tools tailored for gifted ADHD children.
Let’s explore what’s possible together.
Click here to connect with us through our secure web form
References
Christiansen, H., Hirsch, O., Albrecht, B., & Chavanon, M. L. (2019). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and emotion regulation over the life span. Current Psychiatry Reports, 21(3), 1–11.
Faraone, S. V., Rostain, A. L., Blader, J., Busch, B., Childress, A. C., Connor, D. F., & Newcorn, J. H. (2019). Practitioner review: Emotional dysregulation in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder—Implications for clinical recognition and intervention. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 60(2), 133–150.
Gevensleben, H., Moll, G. H., Rothenberger, A., & Heinrich, H. (2014). Neurofeedback in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder–different models, different ways of application. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 8, 846.
Thomson, A., Lawrence, E. G., Oliver, B. R., Wright, B., & Hosang, G. M. (2024). Self-directed digital interventions for the improvement of emotion regulation: effectiveness for mental health and functioning in adolescents. BMJ Open, 14(4), e081556